As I was in the kitchen watching the snow fall today, I can hardly believe that it has been 8 weeks since my initial hospitalization. Eight weeks ago my world as I knew it started to change and I had no control. The one lesson that I am learning through this disease process is that each day is a gift from our heavenly Father and you should make the most of it. I recall laying in the hospital bed,and having all these doctors look at me like I was some type of rare specimen and telling me that I have antisynthetase syndrome. One doctor exclaimed that they had never seen a patient with it and I was their first. It was almost like he was excited about this. They provided me some printed information that they had researched on the Internet. Most of it did not make sense to me, possibly because I was on heavy pain medication but one comment did. My prognosis was not good and I could possibly live 3-5 years the most with this. I layed in the hospital bed sobbing praying that they were wrong. The hardest thing was to call Doug who had to return to work that day. Being so far from him and having to tell him what was told to me was beyond difficult. All we could do was pray for strength and think of the kids.

In the last eight weeks, I think I have felt every emotion under the sun. It does not help that I am on major doses of steroids that cause extreme mood swings. Most of all, I have felt helpless and out of control. I need to continue to fight and try to stay positive. It helps that my family has been showed so much love and generosity from family members, friends and neighbors. The outpouring of love we have received has often left Doug and me speechless and so grateful. From the home delivered meals, food, money, cleaning services and gift cards, everything is so appreciated and helps us so much. I know now that there are angels out there looking out for us. Those angels and the power of prayer will help me in my daily fight with this disease and what will give me strength.